I am Forever Changed

We visited the Oklahoma City Bombing Memorial while David was here. This memorial is in the exact spot of the federal building that Timothy McVeigh blew up on April 19, 1995. There is a reflecting pool that runs the length of where the road used to be and chairs represent each victim that was killed that day. Among these chairs are smaller chairs. These represent each child that was lost in the bombing.

I thought this was so sweet. A mother with her babies walking by the memorial chairs. Notice the smaller ones among them.

The duckies in the reflecting pool.

There is a museum next to the memorial that has all sorts of memorabilia, pictures and fragments of the old building. The whole thing is a pretty emotional experience but one picture in particular had me in tears. And it is all because of Gavin.

Let me explain: Since becoming his mother I see and hear Gavin in everything. Last weekend we were at a party and there was a 5 week old girl there. She was stretching and making this face and I said "Oh that is Gavin's morning stretch!" Like he was the first to do it and every child tries to emulate him. I will be in the shower and I swear I hear him crying but it is just the water coming out of the shower head. So when I saw this certain picture hanging on the wall of the memorial museum I couldn't help but see Gavin in it. It was a firefighter covered in ash and dirt. He was carrying this child in his arms. She was so tiny next to him. Her little legs were crossed just like Gavin's do when I hold him. Her bottom lip was poked out just like Gavin's when he is sound asleep. Except she wasn't sleeping. I started crying right there in front of everyone. This picture would have been sad to anyone with a heart. But because I am a mom, because I am Gavin's mom, I just couldn't help but see him in that child and it was more than I could bare for minute. And I realized something in that moment. I see Gavin in every child because he is in every child. It is the one time in our lives that we are all truly equal. Babies don't see color and clothes brands. They don't feel hatred or envy. All they do is love. They love the music, the sun light and even the bare white walls. Simple things make them smile like silly noises and seeing more smiles. They truly see the world in all of its simplicity and are completely content just being a part of it. The world would be such a wonderful place if we all kept that mentality in our adulthood. We would be so happy to be in God's world and be so thankful we were given the chance to experience it. I will forever be in dept to my son for making me realize this.