Give Them Wings

Today was a first for me as a mommy. All mothers have to face it and today was my day. I had to leave Gavin with other caretakers. I have done this before but it was his grandparents and let's face it, no one will spoil him like they do. So there is never a need to worry when he is with them. Dropping him off with practical strangers is a whole other realm. 

I had to drop him off at the nursery so I could attend my Bible study class at church. We had really planned on doing it last weekend but he had just started to get his cold and I didn't feel right dropping him off with a runny nose and cough. Being around all those other kids, it just wasn't the right thing to do. I was secretly glad for the excuse. But today I absolutely had to drop him off. Chad is out of town and I could not take him to class with me. So with no excuses left, I headed off to the nursery. I met the head woman and she was as sweet as she could be. I was totally fine with everything until it was time to hand him over. He went to her without a fuss and even did his signature 'put his head on your shoulder'. He does it to everyone and they all eat it up. It really is the sweetest thing. However, while I was signing his name tag, I looked up and he was reaching for me. He has NEVER done this before. It was the first time and I came unglued. It took everything I had to fight back the tears and not grab him out of her arms and go tearing out of there, never looking back. He still didn't make a fuss and got distracted with another boy playing with a toy. So I took that as my cue and just left. I forced myself down the hallway, into the bathroom and shut myself in a stall. I cried. It was so ridiculous. He was right down the hall and it was only for an hour. But oh it hurt my heart! I needed Chad so I texted him and he told me he would be fine. Of course he would be fine, it was me I was worried about! So I put my big girl panties on, straightened up and walked to class. When I woke up this morning, I had every intention of leaving him in the nursery through church but that did not happen. I did good leaving him there for an hour. I needed a reward for my bravery. So I went to get him after class was over. I snuck up to the door and peeked in. I was so elated at what I saw. He was having a blast. He was talking up a storm in there. To no one in particular, just babbling on to the whole room. There were kids EVERYWHERE. Gavin had a jack-in-the-box between his legs and was pounding the crap out of that thing as if he wanted everyone's attention. I caught myself almost letting him stay in there but my selfishness overpowered my reason. I am taking baby steps here. He caught a glimpse of me and that smile he had on his face went even wider. They handed him over to me and he buried his head into my neck. I really have no idea what joy I got out of this world before him. I know that sounds so dreadful but I simply mean there is not a feeling in this world that compares to his affection for me.

All dressed up for his first visit to the nursery

His name tag. I was so preoccupied with leaving him that I wrote 'Sunday School' in my location instead of 'Bible Class'.

 So Gavin survived his first day at the nursery. Or rather I did. I know there will come a day that I will have to hand him over for an entire day and I will never be ready for that. But hopefully these weekly little stints in the nursery will help me be a little more prepared.